Saturday, December 01, 2007

proof positive that men don't listen

It's official. Mr. M doesn't listen to a word I say. Sound familiar? Girls, does your significant other only appear to be listening attentively when he is actually off in another world thinking about, oh, I don't know, maybe his bank balance/what's for dinner/girls stuck in the mud? Here's what happened to me last weekend.


Mr. M: I brought you a present!

Me: Oooh, thank you! What is it?

Mr. M: Here.

Me: Oh...it's a...jar of mustard.

Mr. M: Well, I know how much you like mustard. But you're not looking all that happy. Is something wrong?

Me: No, no, nothing wrong. It was very sweet of you, even if it's actually YOU who adores mustard. I like it just fine, though. It's just that I'm pretty sure we already have several jars in the fridge. Remember we talked at length about trying to go easy on the condiments because they take up so much room? Remember the Absolute Condiment Verbot?

Mr. M: Oh, um, yeah, I guess I forgot. Yeah, that's it. And besides, I really thought we were out of mustard. You sure we still have some?

Me: I'm positive.




Twelve containers of mustard. Twelve. Three squeeze bottles and nine jars. German, French, Swedish, Danish. Mild, spicy, grainy, herbed. A mustard for every possible occasion and taste.

I'm just hoping this condiment hoarding thing isn't hereditary.

On a brighter note: it's December and that means only one thing - cookies! You can NEVER have too many cookies. Stay tuned...

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35 Comments:

At December 01, 2007 11:28 PM, Blogger Maria said...

Men hear what they want to hear. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 
At December 02, 2007 1:00 AM, Blogger Haddock said...

You should be so lucky to have so much mustard. As my old dad used to say to me 'You can never have too much mustard!' :)

 
At December 02, 2007 1:13 AM, Blogger Carol said...

Tom too. I should send you a photo of the shelves in the door of our fridge... filled to the BRIM with condiments!

And the listening part... um, yeah -- that too!

Carol

 
At December 02, 2007 2:51 AM, Blogger Maribeth said...

You are right. Men (husbands in particular), do not listen. I asked Hubby what time he needed to get up to go skiing today. He said 6 AM. So I set the alarm, got up and made the coffee and what did he say to me? "I said 6:30." He didn't, and I know it, but then I wonder what he actually thought I said?

 
At December 02, 2007 3:11 AM, Blogger Sandra said...

That's a very impressive mustard collection you have there. Such overachievers, you and Mr. M. Looking forward to those cookies.

 
At December 02, 2007 3:27 AM, Blogger Thimbleanna said...

Very, very funny! You forgot a few things in the list of what men are thinking about -- aren't we always told it's sex?? LOL!

 
At December 02, 2007 5:22 AM, Blogger Pippa said...

Well, that made my day! At least you can look at it with a sense of humour. :)

Makes me glad I don't have ~
(a) any condiments in my fridge
(b) any blokes "listening"

Seems to me this week is going to be one mustard fest over in the Mausi Hausi. Go on, treat them!

(Or perhaps sticking with cookies is best. December is a sweet month, after all.)

 
At December 02, 2007 8:31 AM, Anonymous ian in hamburg said...

...mmm? what's that you say?

 
At December 02, 2007 8:58 AM, Blogger Mar said...

Impressive collection!! At least you don't have two of the same kind already in use! because men are blind when they open the fridge: they can't find what they are looking for. Maybe that explains all the jars...chances of finding mustard in the fridge are increased that way!

 
At December 02, 2007 9:40 AM, Blogger Andrea said...

That is hilarious! 12 jars of mustard.

 
At December 02, 2007 10:09 AM, Blogger Lynda said...

Oh bow down to the queen of Mustard!! That is too funny. After the packers left I had to clean out the fridge - condiments filled the bin, mustard among them, but it was the char sui sauce, the fish sauce, the soy sauce, the 17 different types of oils and vinegars and the 3 bottles of tomato sauce that seemed a bit extreme.

Looking forward to those cookies!!

 
At December 02, 2007 10:24 AM, Blogger Pardon My French said...

Too funny! Looks like someone subscribed you to the "Mustard of the Month" club. I have that same feeling sometimes when it comes to conversations with my husband, but he's the anti-hoarder so nothing as interesting as this happens, usually.

 
At December 02, 2007 10:37 AM, Blogger an aussie in mondragón said...

I envy your mustard collection.. mind you i've just looked in the cupboard after the man of the house went to the supermarket yesterday and we now have 13 tins of tuna..

 
At December 02, 2007 12:39 PM, Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

I agree. Not only do they hear what they want (unless of course, you say what they wanna hear), but they are blind.

- We're out of mayo.
- No, Hon, we have 2 jars in the pantry.
- Where!?

LOL! Happy cookie baking :)

 
At December 02, 2007 5:41 PM, Blogger Rositta said...

Lol, yup you sure have enough mustard. Around here though my husband accuses me of not listening to him. Cookies, can't wait to see what you bake. I bought 8 pounds of butter yesterday to get ready for my baking marathon...ciao

 
At December 02, 2007 6:53 PM, Blogger Di Mackey said...

V-grrrl does something nice with mustard and honey slathered on turkey pieces and roasted ...

Great you had proof eh, the other production defect I've noticed in large slices of the male population is that if you can't prove it, they didn't say/doubted they said/or they're sure you misunderstood because you weren't listening properly.

Oh I am scarred.

 
At December 02, 2007 9:07 PM, Blogger swenglishexpat said...

I have to admit I laughed although I am but a man. But it also made me think of the old Beatles song where John Lennon sings about "Mean Mr Mustard" on the Abbey Road album. Very funny, Christina! :-)

 
At December 02, 2007 11:25 PM, Blogger Elemmaciltur said...

Perhaps you could make mustard cookies. ;-p

 
At December 03, 2007 2:21 AM, Blogger susan d said...

Have you seen Slingblade? Get out the biscuits and french fried potatoes...

 
At December 03, 2007 8:42 AM, Blogger Martina said...

Der Trend geht zum Zweitkühlschrank :-) Just last summer we broke down and bought a new refrigerator for similar reasons, and put the old fridge down in the basement to catch the overflow.

 
At December 03, 2007 4:04 PM, Blogger Julia said...

Can't wait to hear about the cookies!

 
At December 03, 2007 4:13 PM, Blogger Fat Sal said...

What? No Gulden's?!!!

You send that man *right* back to the supermarket.

 
At December 03, 2007 5:42 PM, Blogger Angie said...

Christina, you're killing me here! (In a good way.) That's a lot of mustard!

When Shane deigns to go grocery shopping (which he hates), he inevitably returns with a bag full of things we already have. And then opens the new jars before he finishes off the old ones.
*long-suffering sigh*

 
At December 03, 2007 9:25 PM, Blogger Claire said...

LOL!! 12 bottles of mustard is pretty darn impressive! Why would he think this is a gift? Honey, this does not bode well for Christmas.

 
At December 03, 2007 10:34 PM, Blogger hexe said...

I agree with Claire that it appears that your husband made need some direction for Christmas. Maybe you could write him a dear Santa letter? I still remember vividly the year my father gave my mother an iron for Christmas.

 
At December 03, 2007 11:24 PM, Blogger MollyB, Bloggerin said...

I'm thinking ... mustard cookies.

At least he wasn't asking to smear it on you, right?

 
At December 03, 2007 11:31 PM, Blogger ChristinaG said...

How in the world did you manage to get all the way down here, sneak into our fridge, and take pictures of our mustard collection without me noticing??? ;-)

I think Mr M and Rainer were separated at birth!

 
At December 04, 2007 6:43 AM, Blogger Runaway Rubber Duckie said...

That is one of the funniest, and truest things! The fridge at home has the exact same problem!

 
At December 04, 2007 12:47 PM, Blogger Ms Mac said...

My mother would have had apoplexy had she seen so many jars of mustard open at once! Remember the days when you could only have one packet of cereal open at a time? Or one bottle of sauce? Well, that's how it was when I grew up anyway, back in the dark old days when we had to read by candlelight and got sent down the mines to work when we turned 7!

 
At December 04, 2007 7:12 PM, Blogger Ginnie said...

You are absolutely hysterical, Christina! The thing is, if Mr. M likes mustard so much, how come there are so many bottles left?

 
At December 04, 2007 11:44 PM, Blogger Dixie said...

Sugar pie, you don't have any Bautz'ner Senf. Your collection isn't complete until you have some Ossi mustard. Heh!

 
At December 05, 2007 5:02 PM, Anonymous Clarsonimus said...

Oh yeah? Well women can't parallel park. So there.

 
At December 08, 2007 8:21 AM, Blogger Mike B said...

I'm sorry, you were saying something?

You don't even have any Maille Dijon mustard in the collection ... such a pity.

 
At December 18, 2007 9:12 AM, Blogger CaliforniaKat said...

LOL, I laughed so hard when I saw the first photo of mustard jars, then even harder when I realized there was a second photo. I've honestly never seen so many types of mustard in one refrigerator. I think we have two: Dijon (mine), plain (his).

 
At January 01, 2008 1:24 AM, Blogger Glenda said...

I found your blog because I'm googled "guten rutsch + hebrew" - and found your entry from a few years ago.

anyways, your style pulled me right in so I click to 2007 and start reading and reading ... and this one on the mustards has me HOWLING. the photographs are hilarious!!

I'm typing this at 6:33PM ET - so you've passed over into 2008 over there in good old Germany. hope it was einen guten Rutsch!
Glenda

 

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