Friday, June 10, 2005


Although I've been trying to keep my mind on other things, those familiar feelings of loneliness,despair and hopelessness at the thought of being stuck here for the foreseeable future have been welling up in me quite often this week. I just feel like I have absolutely no control and no say in the way my life is going. That's nonsense, of course. I'm the one who created this reality for myself and I'm the one who decides which path to take, but it's hard to see that sometimes.

I'm a fairly nervous, uptight person and one thing that has helped me to relax a bit is attempting to learn how to meditate. I'm by no means an expert, but I'm getting there. One aid that I really enjoy is this creative visualization audio CD which includes techniques for chakra clearing, deep relaxation, guided meditations and ideas for creating an inner sanctuary. I have to watch what time of day I listen to it because I, being a perpetually tired sort of person, often fall asleep and that's not really the point of the whole exercise, although it's an excellent way to get a good nap in!

It's really amazing how much of our outside world is created through our thoughts and attitudes and I'm working very hard to get to a better, more peaceful place in the attitude department.

On a lighter note, Mr. M. only has to work until 1 p.m. on Fridays (lucky bastard, you're all saying) so after he and the kids get home, we'll all have a bite of lunch (homemade lentil soup today) and go strawberry picking. Yay! Hours of back breaking fun! No, it really is lots of fun and the berries are fantastic. Chalk one up for Germany. Today, at least.


At June 10, 2005 8:13 p.m., Blogger The Complimenting Commenter said...

Wow. Sounds like some great stuff. I'm glad that you are able to relax and feel better about yourself and life. More people should do that. I hope the strawberries are delicious. Nice post.

At June 10, 2005 11:03 p.m., Blogger kenju said...

Christina, I am sorry that you are not happy where you are. Have you been able to travel Europe? Maybe that would help.

Michele sent me.

At June 11, 2005 8:12 a.m., Blogger J said...

Christina, as you know, I could have written your first paragraph. As with you, I spend more time enduring Germany than enjoying it. What do I do when I get in a funk like that? I ring up a German friend and do something nice for them (usually take them to lunch). That helps me remember that not all Germans are as bad as the ones I encounter at the supermarket, wherever.

Or I blog about it.

At June 12, 2005 9:12 a.m., Blogger christina said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At June 12, 2005 9:17 a.m., Blogger christina said...

(messed up my last comment - duh!)
Thanks for the encouragement, guys!

Kenju - yes, I have traveled Europe extensively - kind of hard now with a family to look after and bills to pay. Sometimes people who don't live here don't realize that living in Europe is MUCH different from just being on holiday there.

J - you're so right. I do reach out to people (volunteer work, being kind to friends and strangers alike etc) and it does makes me feel better but this life just isn't what we want for ourselves or for our children and there's not much we can do about it without moving and starting at rock bottom again. That's the really depressing part.

At June 12, 2005 10:38 a.m., Anonymous Haddock said...

Were the strawberries good?

At June 12, 2005 8:33 p.m., Blogger Philip said...

that sounds like a marvelous afternoon, and the post above this shows your incredible looking harvest


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